There is a beautiful Rashi on Parshas Va’era. During the plague of Locusts all of the crops were eaten by the large black swarms of insects.

But, wait a second, weren’t all the crops already destroyed? Didn’t all the Hail a month earlier destroy all of the crops that were in Egypt?

Good call, what did happen to all the crops? Who really destroyed them?

It was a two-stage process. The first set of crops were destroyed in the plague of hail and the second half of the crops were destroyed

What was the determining factor?

Flexibility.

The more mature crops were stiffer in their composure, and therefore when the hail hit like baseballs from the sky, it was easy to destroy these crops.

The crop that was saved was the budding plants, because they were still soft and supple. When the hail hit, it didn’t damage the produce that was so soft and flexible.

Ah, being flexible lets you last longer.

We all have plans, that's for sure, but we need to know and let our daughter in on the secret, that no plan in life is written in stone. None no matter how much we plan and plan, life is fluid, life changes, and life can change very quickly, we need to be as flexible in kind.

I know sometimes it could be downright disappointing when things don’t go your way. But, if we and our daughters are able to go into any situation with the idea planted in our thoughts…”I am not going to be disappointed if things don’t go my way…”

It doesn’t mean that we avoid disappointment all together but we may take it down from 80% to 50% and that is a significant change.

I remember one time when I walked into the fruit store, and I needed apples. I couldn’t find them in the store so I asked the clerk where those shiny red apples were located.

He kinda laughed at me, no apples today!

How can you run a fruit and vegetable store, and not have apples?! Are you crazy?

And he just smiled, and then it took me a few minutes to smile too, sometimes even when I am just looking for apples, you have to remember the produce from ancient Egypt.

The more flexible you are, the greater chance you have to survive.

Yes, every mother deals with her daughters blow ups

Either with “Please change those clothes.” to “NO, you cannot go out until your homework is finished.”

And sometimes there is screaming, sometimes there are insults, and a lot of unhappy feelings.

How can I avoid this? Or at least minimize the explosion?

First ask yourself this, how do you let your daughter win?

What behavior will get your daughter to win the conversation or get her the things that she wants.

It’s a model that you need to teach your teen, I am sure they have many ways not to get what they want. But do they know the ways that get them past the finish line, that gets you to say yes?

You can sit down with your daughter, not during the explosion or when emotions are high, and explain.

Give her the key to your “yes”. Let her know there is a way to get what she wants, she just needs to know how to get it. What is the road that the destination is “yes.” Have you ever given her the map?

“You know if you want to go out with your friends, you can try to ask after you finish your homework.” or “If you ask me and not tell me I would be more likely to say yes to your request.”

Not every situation begets a “yes” . Teenagers do need boundaries and their mother to say “NO.” But she also needs to feel that she can get a yes from you, help her figure out a way to get you to say yes.

And don't forget to say “Yes!”

Getting a girl to do something looks like this:

Scene 1, act 26: daughter left shoes, bag, and coat smack in the middle of the floor,

A violation or crime.

“Please {enter daughter’s name here}, pick up your stuff and put it away where it belongs.”

“I’ll do it in five minutes.”

“Please, I would prefer it get done now.”

“Later, mom, I can’t do it now”

“If you don’t pick it up now it will end up in the garbage”

“Okay, okay, I get your point,”

She then sighs and picks up the things and puts them away.

That's called getting something done,

NOT motivation.

Yes, the mother got the daughter to do the chore,

There is no motivation…

Are you up for this subject?

Let’s talk about ways to get things done, the efficient way.

One helpful way to increase motivation, and not to get things “just done.”

Tell them a story about yourself,

Yes you heard me, a story about how you struggled with the same thing and how you overcame the same thing.

For example, one time my daughter did NOT want to go to a class get together.

“Why not?” I asked

“Well there are those girls who alway make fun of me. I don’t want it, I don’t want to go.”

Uch, I said, think fast, think inspiring…

“You know when I was younger, I had the same problem, I hated some girls in my class, I didn’t want to go to a party either. Why should I? They are just going to make it hard.

So I said to myself, just imagine those girls being monkeys.

Yes, Monkeys.

Do monkeys bother you if they make fun of you?” I asked.

“No.” She said

“Great, I thought the same thing. I didn’t care if the monkeys made fun of me. So I just imagined them like Monkeys in cages. And I went. I had a great time. Don’t let a few monkeys ruin a good time.”

She got up and went and had a fabulous time.

Can’t tell you how many times I’ve told her, “don’t let the monkeys bother you.”

Inspiring, no?

Sometimes it takes more time, sometimes less time but I know it's one step in the right direction.

A-Not-Such-Good-Surprise

Did your daughter even have a not-such-good-surprise…

This is one that happened to me.

Well, here is a story that would only happen to me, when I was younger crazy things would happen to me, I had a few friends that would call this, "pulling an Adina," because gosh why would it happen to anyone else?

Why?

I guess you would call this "pulling an Adina"

This past Shabbos a family from down the street called me and invited us for Shabbos lunch, I didn't give much thought to it, and we accepted the invitation.

Low and behold on Shabbos morning, when we showed up, the wife opened the door and she got a shock when we walked in the doorway.

"Wait, I am so confused" she exclaimed, when we got through the door.

I was too, when I got such a greeting.

Looking at me very confused she said "your name is also Adina?" sheepishly I responded yes.

So here is the background,

What had happened was, a week before Libi Bamizrach, there was another family that had moved into my building,

Can you guess what her name is?

And guess where she is from? Chicago!

The woman who had invited us, had asked a mutual acquaintance for "Adina from Chicago's number", and she had given her my number.

So she got the other Adina for shabbos, who happened to be me.

Whao, that was so wacky that I couldn't help trying to figure out why in the world would HaShem land me in someone else's home for shabbos.

Thinking back I remember a pasuk in Mishlei

תָּכִין בַּקַּיִץ לַחְמָהּ אָגְרָה בַקָּצִיר מַאֲכָלָהּ:

עַד מָתַי עָצֵל תִּשְׁכָּב מָתַי תָּקוּם מִשְּׁנָתֶךָ:

מְעַט שֵׁנוֹת מְעַט תְּנוּמוֹת מְעַט חִבֻּק יָדַיִם לִשְׁכָּב:

וּבָא כִמְהַלֵּךְ רֵאשֶׁךָ וּמַחְסֹרְךָ כְּאִישׁ מָגֵן

אֲשֶׁר אֵין לָהּ קָצִין שֹׁטֵר וּמשֵׁל:

“ Yet she prepares her bread in the summer; she gathers her food in the harvest. O lazy one, how long will you lie [there]; when will you get up from your sleep?

"A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to lie."

And your poverty shall come like a fast walker, and your want, as an armed man. “

Shlomo Hamelech is trying to convince a lazy man to mend his ways. “Stop sleeping get up and go,” Sholomo Hamelech says, Or else, the results of your actions will be apparent very quickly, like a fast walker and a man who goes to war without a shield.

If one looks at the Metsudas Dovid, on the words “כִמְהַלֵּךְ “ he says A person will be scared like a man who just shows us at your door expectantly.

Exactly what had happened to me. (on both sides!) We both got a huge shock.

Adina, I hit myself on the head, Elul, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, stop being so lazy get up and go. Do something, don't just sit there, you need to work on Elul! You don't want to be shocked later, you need to move. The time period of Elul is a very fertile one, it is one of the best times to grow, Hashem gives us this special time.

I just needed a big shock to figure that one out-

Would you be able to help your daughter go through such a shocking event?

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THAT WORKED?!?

Your daughter ever have to figure out a situation? Did she ever have to be creative and out of the box? Let me tell you a story when I was around the same age when I had to think out of the box...

Many moons ago when I first made it to Eretz Yisrael, one Rosh Hashannah I wanted to make it that all-encompassing Kavanah experience. So I made my way to Bnei Brak to the Punovich Yeshiva, The women’s section is packed and they start davening five-forty-five in the morning and finish up around four or five o’clock, in the afternoon. They leave one hour for each Shmonah esrei and if I remember even longer for mussuf, so I was really excited. It was going to be that great unbelievable experience.

Okay so Erev Rosh Hashannah my hostess had told me that they were eating out for the night meal by a Rosh-Kollel –Uncle of hers by the name of –something I think it began with a “B” and she gave me the address of 12 Kotler, I think. So knowing myself, I can’t deal with numbers, I hate math. Only after I started to run Libi Bamizrach did anything ever add up. But yet, I still have no retention of numbers, you can tell me one hundred, you can tell me a thousand it won’t make a difference and it won’t stick.

So I took the information and promptly forgot everything about it. After the marriv experience I left a bit early so as not to make my hostess’ hostess wait for me.

Oh no

OH VERY NO.

I couldn’t remember a blessed thing about how and where to go. I was walking up and down the back streets, I didn’t even know Mrs. Friedman’s Rosh-Kollel- Uncle who may have lived maybe on kotler 12 or 16 or 18. Yeah, as much as it was going to make me sound stupid, I also was going to find where I to go.

After so introspection, I was trying to remember the number, I think I had it right (to this day I do not remember what it was) but I decided firmly that I would and I got myself to the building. Ha, I thought maybe I would look at the mailbox or something that would have some of the family’s names on it, ha, that was far-fetched.

I then found that I was even more stuck. There was more than one entrance to the building. Oh how in the world was I going to find this?

So I think I had the right building, and I think I had the right entrance, but yet, I knew that I might be very wrong trying to find Mrs. Friedman’s Rosh-Kollel-Uncle or something.

Okay, she told me that they are English speakers, so I decided I was going to listen to each door, not to C”V listen in on someone’s conversation, that would be a no, no, but I was confident enough to determine when I hear just the tone and pace that people talk at without listening to what they are saying, I could be speaking English or Hebrew, and from there I would inquire about the family I was looking for, how I don’t know, but I decided this was going to work.

I walked up a flight and stood by the door and I heard two boys and I said to myself, “no that’s Yiddish.”

I walked to the next door and I heard a mother talking to someone, I said to myself, “…no…no… that’s Hebrew.”

By the second floor I thought about the second door on the second floor. I stood for a second—not knowing by the pace and the loudness of the words “yes… yes I think she is speaking english.”

I took a deep breath before I knocked. Because I knew that I would need it when I was going to explain myself as to why I had knocked at the wrong door, so I braced myself for any embarrassment.

“Hello”

“Hi I am Mrs. Friedman’s guest who was coming to eat with her, sorry if I am running a little late…”

Pounding heart , sweaty hands, heavy breathing.

“Ah, yes, she came in a little while ago with her children; she is sitting in the other room,”

What!?!

I was astounded, that actually worked?

I can’t believe it, that was a miracle. I didn’t have to embarrass myself I didn’t have to go running around, I knocked on the right door, the first time, and I lucked out, I wasn’t even late. Right place, right time, the first time, I would call that nothing less than a miracle.

One of those, I know HaShem was directing that one. Because it made no sense to me that my plan would actually work.

And it made me think of the Ramban of Sof Parshas Bo.

What was that Ramban?

That HaShem makes massive miracles and He makes little occurrences, which seemingly look normal, but are really are small miracles. But the reason Hashem puts the big miracles in the world to remind us that small things are also directed by HaShem.

That huge miracle in my life, it was a huge one for me, this one came back to remind me that no matter what, Hashem is here in the big miracles and therefore if made me think in retrospect that, yes, every other occurrence was also coming from HaShem, that He is there in the big ones, and the small ones. I understood that Ramban was on a totally different level, because I felt like I lived it, it was electrifying.

Yes, Hashem is truly there.

But looking from the onset, and you didn’t know my situation, of one who can’t remember numbers, you wouldn’t have thought this was a miracle, it was just some girl knocking on a door, what’s the big deal? But here it drove the point home even harder to me, Hashem is there looking out for us even for the little occurrences in life that happen every day, He is!

I know it.

The world can change for her too

Can you imagine, the discussion they were having when Christopher Columbus was trying to convince everyone the world was round.

Two groups of people sitting on opposite ends of the table dressed in funny triangle hats and frilly socks somewhere in Spain having a very serious conversation, highly intellectual as a matter of fact, but also in high pitched funny voices.

“Christopher do you honestly believe that world is really round? What in dear heavens, do you think you are talking about?”

“I am certain that the world is made circular, and not flat, I am positive,” he shouts, as he stamps his foot.

“Liar!” “Burn him at the stake” they scream.

Christopher replied smoothly, “If you don’t believe me I’ll prove it to you.”

And well the rest is history, literally!

Even though there were many Neigh-Sayers trying to prove him wrong, at the time this was a very intellectual conversation, with a high level philosophy. Now we have to convince ourselves to think, that other people long ago entertained such a thought.

But, what do we, in yiddishkeit, have to say about the shape of the universes?

Why is it like that? What does it make a difference?

Rashi says the point of a circle is that is turns.

There are happy times and there are less happy times. One day or one year can be miserable, but the world turns. The world turns over and over and over again. There are so many different seasons in our life, sometimes we love them and sometimes we hates them, but time keeps marching on.

I remember sitting at my classmates wedding, eighteen, she was the first one to get married. We were all sitting and hoping that we were to be the next one under the chuppah.

Yet, recently I heard that she had gotten divorced for the second time.

Not to say every early wedding ends abruptly, but the world turns, sometimes we are on the top and sometimes we aren't.

Sometimes we are the star of the show, and sometimes we sit in the audience and watch others, because Christopher Columbus proved to us that the world turns.’

Do you know who else the world turned for?

Har Sinai, that’s who.

“The Torah shouldn’t be given on me,” what was little Har Sinai said,

Why did the little Har Sinai think that the Torah should not be given on him, because he thought I am too small, I am too little, there is no reason why I should be chosen to have the honor of having the Torah given on me.

Har Bashan, Har Carmel, Har Tavor, they can all take the honor; I’ll sit by and watch. I’ll be in the audience, they can very well take center stage.

But, no, for that exact reason was why HaShem picked little Har Sinai to have the Torah.

The world turned for little Har Sinai, he thought that he was on the bottom, but Hashem knew that he was on top. He became center stage.

I started to take this idea a little further.

Dovid HaMelech had the same exact problem…

Shmuel, when he came to anoint the next king he asked Yishai.

Yishai showed him his eldest and just as he was about to go for the jug of oil to anoint him,

Hashem said, “No, not him, the next one,” Shmuel was confused.

and he tried again, he tried every single brother, all seven of them weren’t worthy to be king.

Shmuel was lost, “Hashem, he looks good enough why not him?”

Hashem responded, you only see the outside, I see his heart, and he isn't worthy to be king.”

"So,” Shmuel responds, “where is the right one?"

"What other one?" Yishai says "That little ruddy one, Dovid? Him? He is the next king?"

And they bring him out from the field, to go fetch him.

and the same words that HaShem said so long ago to little Har Sinai,

He also said to Dovid

Yes, you, I want to pick you.

Does this sound familiar?

Dovid was the outcast of the family,

they didn't even dream that he would be the one that Shmuel would pick.

Yet the world turns, again and again,

Dovid not only was a king, he was the greatest king of all time.

Funny how that works.

it's because the world is round, things turn and turn again, a situation could be one way for so long, and in a second it can all turn around.

I heard a story that brought this idea home. Just to put things in perspective,

Many years ago two friends were expecting,

One had a beautiful baby and the other one unfortunately lost the baby. And she came home empty handed,

The problem was that it was right before Pesach and the woman who was post birth with a baby, was totally overwhelmed and couldn’t make Pesach, so her friend who had lost the child invited her and her family to stay with them for Yom Tov.

What strength I thought when I heard this, it must have been so hard, but she did it.

Now both of these women are great grandmothers many times over.

The woman who had the baby is a beautiful person, but now she has the nisayon of being an almanah over ten years,

And the woman who invited her over, her husband is a Rosh Yeshiva, she has a very big family and a very profitable business.

Not to say anything was wrong, but, you see so clearly that, the world turns, you were stuck in one situation for a bit, but it turns and things change, again and again.

Don’t worry the world will change for her too, she might think that she is small and can’t.

But the world does turn,

And Let Rock Solid Girls help the world turn for her too.